Feelings in Therapy: The Heart of Therapy

I often come across clients who suddenly start to have panic attacks. On the surface, they appear very together and rational, leaving them puzzled as to why they are struck by such anxiety. The underlying issue is that they may be in touch with their mind but not their feelings. Many are fearful and avoidant of emotions, viewing them as weak, silly, or inconvenient. This avoidance can lead to anxiety, depression, and other issues over time, much like balloons pushed under water; the pressure will inevitably build. 

Feelings can make us uneasy and uncomfortable. Children learn to avoid feelings from a very young age, understanding that it can create internal tension. I still remember how my 5-year-old turned away when I asked how he felt about changing schools. Adults experience this too. Additionally, social conditioning teaches them to be rational, civilized individuals who must maintain a certain image. Over time, this image becomes not only for others but also for ourselves. 

On the other hand, feelings are the most natural aspect of being human. They are a gift that bonds us. My heart melts and tears well up when I hear the emotions in someone’s story. In these moments, we meet in a special place where emotional healing occurs, and it is truly a treasure. 

Feelings also convey crucial information. For instance, anger may indicate that my boundaries have been crossed, while sadness may prompt me to slow down and be gentle with myself. Hurt can reflect something about others but often reveals more about myself, my inner child, and my past. Feelings resonate deeply with my existence at a heart level. 

Carl Rogers, the founder of the humanistic therapy approach, believed that empathy is “a healing agent and one of the most potent aspects of therapy.” Understanding and empathizing with clients can help them release and validate their emotional experiences, which is profoundly empowering. This reminds me of the many times in couple counseling when I ask how one partner feels after being truly listened to by the other; they often respond, “I feel loved.” 

By Sherry Carter 23/8/2021